Being an Expat is not easy

I am about to admit that this expat experience is stressing me out. I wondered when it would hit – and I’ve often heard that between 4 and 6 months is the hardest. Here it is, 5 months along and it’s hit. I miss home. Yesterday was the first day that I thought to myself “I want to go home”, not to our apartment here, but to our house, our pets, our family, our friends, our stores (if only a TARGET would open here, PLEASE!), our Texas weather, etc, etc. I know this is normal, especially for the expat wife, and I will get through it, but right now, it sucks. I can’t wait for our vacation and can only hope that both girls are good and we have a fun and RELAXING time. I have friends here, but for some reason I feel alone in this HUGE foreign city. I think about friends back home and for the most part, I have no idea what’s going on in their lives. I’ve read that this is another thing we, as expats, go through – losing touch with friends from your home country. I will honestly say that it’s hard. I feel like everyone knows what we are doing, how we are doing, the newest things going on in our lives – because I try to keep everyone up to date on this blog. But then, without actual conversations with people from home and very little email communication, we don’t get the other side, we don’t get to hear how others are doing. Whenever I see an email in my inbox from a friend or a family member from home, I am just so elated and happy – it’s so nice to hear from people back home. And to be honest, when it’s just a stupid email forward or a joke (and I’ve not heard from that person in ages), it’s very disappointing. I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy the email jokes, I do – but I also would like to keep in touch with a person more than that. It was easier before Ashley went to school because I could stay home with the girls in the morning and I could chat with people from home – almost everyday I was able to “hear” from someone back home. But now that we are busy going to playgroups and taking cooking lessons and language lessons, etc, I’m not usually home at the right times for chatting, due to the time differences. It’s been hard, not being in contact as much with friends and family.

We are supposed to come home to visit in January/February and I am contemplating coming home a week earlier than Anthony to have more time to visit with friends and family. I would leave Ashley here in Taiwan with Anthony. This would be the first time I have ever left Ashley for longer than a night. We have to make this decision by tomorrow since tickets have to be ordered and it’s a tough one to make. Spending more time back home versus the separation issues that may (or may not) occur with Ashley, along with traveling that far alone with a toddler. I think it would be good for me, emotionally, but then again, maybe it wouldn’t, maybe I would just be more alone back home without Anthony there, since everyone would be working and going on with their daily lives as usual anyway. What it feels like, when I think about us here and people back home, I think that everything’s changed for us (for instance, how we view things, who we are, how we do things, etc), while nothing has changed for everyone back home. So will that make it harder for visits? Will it be harder to communicate with people or with there be more to talk about because of it?

I usually find it so easy to write things down, but am having trouble – I keep typing then erasing what I type. I want to be able to write down how I’m feeling so others out there can see what this experience is really like, what one person is going through during this interesting journey in a foreign land, but at the same time, I feel I should censure some of my thoughts and feelings so that I don’t upset people back home or upset friends I’ve made here or make family worry more about me than they already are. It’s interesting when you put yourself out there into this huge vastness of computer space, where you know that people who have never met you will read about you along will those who love you and want to know how you are doing. I feel like I think more about what I write than I should.

Other than all this emotional stuff going on, we have been staying very busy this week. I took the girls to a Christmas party yesterday at the Community Services Center. They really had fun seeing Santa – although they were both scared of him and wouldn’t sit in his lap – Ashley sat next to him, and I sat with Liz next to him. Liz has been pretty cranky on and off all week since she’s still getting her teeth in. I think after his round she’ll only have 2 more teeth and she’ll be done. That will be nice! Ashley has been great going to school this week. I’ve taken her out early twice – so she’s liked that. On Tuesday, I took her out and we went over to Playspace to meet with some friends and then yesterday, for the Christmas party. She is going to sleep fine, in Liz’s room, but now she’s waking up every night, coming into our room, complaining that her feet/legs hurt and crying or just wanting to sleep in our room. So, we are going to take her to a doctor to try and figure the leg thing out. It’s becoming a nightly thing and I’m beginning to think there is something truly wrong.
Liz is waking up from her nap, so it’s time for me to sign off